Just my thinking

Today is fast Sunday. This evening I had some thoughts that I wanted to write down. I didn't bear my testimony today. I rarely do. I cry the minute I stand up and I hate looking like a blubbery idiot. I can feel my testimony and what I'd like to say swell in my heart and I feel good and have feelings the Spirit is with me. Sometimes as I say my testimony in my mind I can feel the spirit whisper to me that what I'm thinking is good and right. My testimony grows when I listen to others. I know others may appreciate what I have to say but it does take a lot for me to get up there. Sometimes I forget what I wanted to say and what I end up saying isn't quite what I wanted to share. 

I heard a song this morning by Hilary Weeks. In it she said that sometimes there's a mountain in her way and if she could move it she wouldn't. It's the work getting up the mountain (going through our trials) that makes us appreciate the view at the top more. I got to thinking about different trials I've gone through. I wouldn't want to go through some of them again but being where I ended up afterwards is something I wouldn't want to change. I can see beauty and love in places otherwise I may not have. My perspective on things is different because of what I've been through. Do I feel stronger for some of my trials? Maybe. Sometimes I think I am but other times I still question my strength. Whatever it has been, I'm grateful to now be in a place where I can say I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. I know my Savior loves me. I continue to falter and find fault in myself. When I reflect, however, I can still tell myself that I know He loves me. I'm not perfect. Far from. But if my life didn't play out the way it has, I wouldn't be here now. In my beautiful family, married to Jaime, serving in this calling in church (primary secretary), in this ward, living in Pasco. Everything has a snowball effect and even though times were hard, getting back doing what I know is right, God blesses me. I can see my blessings. I'm truly thankful for them. 

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